March 2, 2016: Our Catholic Life Today
Photos: My childhood; Jack's Confirmation
Photos: Full Communion; our Wedding Day
Hindsight and Insight

This is the first time that we are witnessing to these events in our lives. We are doing this purely and simply to demonstrate how clearly and purposefully the Lord has orchestrated the recent events in our lives in order to lead us into the process that would soon bring us home to the Roman Catholic Church. We witness and share our story to show others that the Lord may be working in their lives in the very same way.

Jack was a cradle Anglican; I was born and raised a devout Roman Catholic.

A lapsed Roman Catholic, I met Jack in 1989, and he led me back to church, a beautiful Anglican Church, a church filled with beautiful Spirit-filled Christians, who ministered to me, and who helped to set my feet on the path to healing and wholeness.

And the Lord began to fan the flame I knew so well as a child in the Roman Catholic Church; I fell in love with Him all over again. And as this Love grew, the Lord began to speak clearly to me again, and to direct my life. I became actively involved in the church, particularly in three areas of ministry:

The Order of St. Luke:
In 1990 I felt called to become a member of The Order of St. Luke the Physician, an international, interdenominational ministry of Christian healing;

Education for Ministry:
Four years later, in 1994, I felt called to enroll in a four-year program of Theological Education for laity, called Education for Ministry. Upon graduation, I felt called to become a trained Mentor with EfM, and I began to lead two groups of students through the program.

Between 1989 and 2005 I actively participated on healing teams and in Healing Missions; I led Bible studies in our home, as well as two Education for Ministry groups, one Anglican, the other interdenominational. In the year 2000, the Lord led me to put together a series of workshops on prayer entitled: A CALL TO PRAYER - From Spiritual Milk to Spiritual Food. I was also invited to lead reflections for Youth, and there the Lord opened for me an entirely new area of ministry, Youth Ministry. With the blessing of our Youth Group Leader and our minister, I started a Bible Study at the church on Sundays, through the International Order of St. Luke the Physician, with our older youth. The Lord had put it upon my heart that this would be a help to them in their transition from Youth Group to Adult ministry; I felt truly blessed and privileged.

Writing:
Another area of ministy the Lord led me into was writing. I often wrote articles for:
- Church Newsletters;
- The Montreal Anglican;
- OSL's Sharing Magazine.

Most importantly, I also began journaling, and I am now on my fiftieth journal. The sharing of this particular journey, and what it has brought to my life, is of course, for another time.

- In the area of publications, I was led to write a series of articles for the Montreal Anglican under the heading, Why Education for Ministry?
- I also conducted a series of interviews with believers from various denominational backgrounds on the decision-making processes of Christians when it comes to matters of Church Doctrine; these articles were published in the Montreal Anglican as well.
- I was led to write commentaries on books written by Anglican Bishops Michael Ingham and John Spong, the controversial Kenneth Hagin Bible Faith Study Course, The Harry Potter Series, The Da Vinci Code, .

Links to all of these articles can be found on my website, Life and Doctrine.

- Another area of writing which the Lord led me into, not directly related to the Anglican Church, was the French translation of the Initial Bible Study Project of the International Order of St. Luke the Physician, a workbook called The Healing Ministry of Jesus, containing twenty-six lessons on the Gospel healing accounts of Jesus Christ. My mother tongue is English, and so this truly is a work of the Lord. The French language seventy-seven page workbook, entitled Le ministère de guérison de Jésus is now complete, published, and available for worldwide distribution. Praise the Lord! To date we have received requests for this new French Edition of OSL's Bible Study workbook from as far away as Douala Cameroun, The Republic of Congo, and Île de la Réunion. As well, through the Grace of God, the theme hymn of the Order - Breathe on me Breath of God - also found on page 558 of our 2006-2007 Living With Christ Sunday Missal, has also been translated into French, Souffle sur moi Mon Dieu. The French lyrics of this hymn can also be found on this site; please feel free to use them and to pass them on. I am also now in the process of doing the French translation of the Handbook of the Order.

My entire church life became to me a real blessing, and I thoroughly enjoyed over the years participating in the Sunday Readings, leading the Prayers of the People, and being active in Altar Guilds & parish-based Healing Ministries.

But all did not go smoothly.

Despite the fact that I was extremely respectful of clergy and their role, something I learned very well, and happily, as a child in the Roman Catholic Church, I often came under much pressure and critique. Even though I did nothing on my own without first consulting with my minister, I often had the feeling that my arms were being tied to my sides. For example:

- In January of 2002, I felt called to lead a Bible Study through the Order of St. Luke Healing Ministry. I was told by the minister that I needed to first ask his permission for each person I felt called to invite to this study. In the long run, it was a group of gentle Roman Catholics who came together in my home to do the OSL Bible study with me, me who worshipped at that time in an Anglican Church! One of the group members, Elizabeth, when she learned that I was born and raised a devout Roman Catholic, quietly said to me with a smile, "We're going to get you back!" Little did I know that the Lord was preparing a Catholic community to receive me into their midst when the time was right. In addition to this, during this time, I became quite ill, eventually being diagnosed with Leukemia. It was through the faithful prayers of this gentle and caring group, that my fevers subsided, my symptoms disappeared, and my blood work returned to normal. I witnessed to this event in my life through OSL's Sharing Magazine, and here is the story below - another sign that the Lord was bringing us home;

God’s Holy People

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

In March of 2002, a small group of us came together to do the OSL Bible study project called The Healing Ministry of Jesus. Within the comfort of my home, group members took their first steps, learning how to minister to each other in prayer teams. It was a special time for all of us. And the Lord was Faithful. As we ministered to each other, our prayers were answered. Kathleen, one of our group members, often said, "It’s important to give glory to God by witnessing to what He has done for us."

I heard her words, and so this is my witness; this is what He’s done for me.

As the months passed and our study progressed, I began to experience pain in my joints, fatigue, bleeding, sores in my mouth, and breathlessness. One day in a shopping center, I said to my husband, " I feel like I’m holding myself up by a thread; if I let go, I’ll collapse." I put it all down to menopause and continued on with my life. However, one thing did change: I no longer went shopping on my own. It is amazing how we women adjust our daily schedules and activities to the limitations that come and go in our lives.

The study group stopped meeting for the summer and resumed again in September. That was when the fever – and the blood tests – began. Four weeks into the fever, the group laid hands on me. That evening, the fever subsided and did not return.

Then my doctor called me in. She said that it was serious, that I had a "blood tumor" and spoke to me about Leukemia and bone marrow. She also gave me a referral to a specialist, a hematologist oncologist. She decided to run the blood test one more time, "Just to make sure," she said.

Following this, the group laid hands on me a second time. This time, another member, Elizabeth, prayed that the Lord would "disintegrate the tumor" in my blood. Her words resonated within me, and I knew in my heart that the Lord would take care of everything.

My doctor called me in again; the result was the same. The group laid hands on me a third time, this time anointing me for my healing.

In the specialist’s office four weeks later, my husband and I were told by the doctor that they were going to run another test to "isolate the cell" that was causing the problem. The test results would take another 10 days, and a bone marrow would be next, we were told. It was just before Christmas. In the meantime, I began to feel better. My strength was returning and the pain in my joints easing.

For our October Thanksgiving meal our children had rallied round, so that despite my illness, we could celebrate as a family, together with our five children and grandchildren as well. I felt all the more encouraged because I knew that they were all praying for me. By the time Christmas came around, everyone said that I seemed to have more energy.

And I did! We celebrated New Year’s Day by rejoicing in our newest grandson, Jonathan’s, second birthday, and I felt marvelous.

How wonderful it was that the doctor should call in the evening when my husband, Jack, and I were at home together. We scrunched together over the telephone at the other end of the line to hear the good news. "I just received the test results, and I wanted to call you and tell you that everything is fine."

Then, holding hands, and sitting side by side on the couch, together we said a prayer of thanksgiving to God for answering our prayers and for rescuing me from the threat of this illness.

Thanks to the faithfulness of God’s Holy People.

Thanks to the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

- The prayers I would put together for the Prayers of the People were checked by the minister, even though I was closely following all the guidelines prescribed in the Anglican Church Book of Alternative Services; I really felt like I was being watched;
- One woman priest actually became quite aggressive with me, screaming at length on one occasion that she wanted me to be quiet.

This was all very strange, because, not only did I feel that I was a faithful and committed Christian, but everyone who knew me - who knows me - knows me to be a quiet, respectful, obedient, orderly, and gentle person. I say this not to boast, nor to defend myself, but for clarity's sake, and for the understanding of the reader of this witness.

I also offered my name at one time to bring Communion to the Sick, and to be a minister of the Cup at church; my name was submitted and approved by the Anglican Diocese. I joyfully went out and bought a pyx. I was never called however. Although I never said anything to anyone about this, I felt hurt, rejected, and disappointed. And the pyx remained for a long time in my bedside drawer.

In retrospect, I can now clearly see the Lord's Hand in all of this: For how could I minister Communion as a Roman Catholic, in an Anglican Church, where the Eucharist was regarded by each person according to what they individually believed? You see, I had never officially joined the Anglican Church. I did inquire when I first came to the Church with my husband in 1989, but at the time I was told in a flippant manner, "You're an Anglican." I also often inquired of the minister at that time, as to what the Anglican Church believed concerning the Eucharist. The minister hedged, never clearly answering me.

Over the course of the three past years, two things began to happen simultaneously to my husband Jack and myself:

Jack: Because of the direction that the Anglican Church was going in concerning the issue of homosexuality and same sex marriage, Jack began to speak about now going to the Roman Catholic Church; he often mentioned St. Luke's Roman Catholic Church; my husband is an avid runner and often ran - still runs - past the Church;

Penny: I attended a special conference in Ottawa, The Way Forward, led by the Orthodox movement within the Anglican Church, Essentials Canada, and I began to think seriously about officially joining the church that I so actively served, and now felt committed to stand firm with during these hard times.

Then one day, I talked to Jack about my officially joining the church. My husband told me that I didn't have to do this, but to do what I felt was right for me. In my mind, I felt that, as I was ministering in this church, it was the right thing to do. I thought of the Scripture where Jesus was presented by his parents in the temple.

Notice that I said: "I thought". There is one thing that those who really know me, know about me. I always pray for direction, and I always ask the Lord to confirm what I feel led to do, in His Word. I honestly do not remember praying about this particular decision, nor have I written anything about it in my journal, another thing that I always do. I do remember however "thinking" through this process, and "looking" at what Jesus did. And to my way of thinking, Jesus always did things in the right way: he is the Son of God, and yet we read about the Presentation in the temple; he is the Son of God, yet he accepted to be baptized by John, "to fulfill all righteousness". I was an active participant in an Anglican church: joining the Anglican Church was the "right thing to do". But this was my own thinking; I honestly do not remember praying about it.

I then talked to our minister about joining the Anglican Church.

I was told that this could happen at Confirmation with the Youth who were being confirmed, and that I could be "received" into the church at that time. I was told that I would first have to read the catechism. I immediately asked for a copy.

It was then that the delays and the blocks began.

After a few attempts and reminders to my minister, I was finally given a photocopy of a catechism, which I prayerfully read through, adding my own Scripture references to the margins. Interestingly, there were no Scripture references in the photocopies of this "catechism" that I had been given, quite unlike the beautiful Catechism of the Roman Catholic Church that I now continually refer to. In this manner, and in good faith, I studied the photocopy that I had been given, truly and sincerely committed to the decision that I had made. Once this time of personal reflection was done, I again contacted my minister to see what the next step was. I was then told I should write a letter to the Anglican Bishop; I was told that I would be given guidelines.

Again there was a delay.

I called again, and I was now told not to worry about the letter, but that I needed to have an interview with my minister.

Again there was a delay.

The week of Confirmation, I called my minister to ask again about the interview, and we set up an appointment for my husband and myself to meet with him at the church.

As an aside:
I live across the street from a Roman Catholic home, the Marolly's, where holy oil has been flowing since October 1994. The Church is documenting and monitoring the whole process. The fruit evidenced from this ministry of oil is that people are receiving healing, converting, and growing in their faith. My neighbours are accountable to the Church, and their Parish Priest is their Spiritual Director.

A wonderful and Spirit-filled Anglican minister I knew was not well physically, and I had the thought to bring him some oil. Always respectful of authority figures and protocol, I brought some oil with me, because I thought I should first mention it to my minister.

On the way over to the church in the car, I had a bad feeling - I was afraid - and the thought came to me not to go to the interview. I brushed my feelings and thoughts aside, telling myself that I was being silly and imagining things.

At the church now, the interview had barely begun when I showed my minister the little bottle of oil. Many years ago, I had prayed about this ministry of oil and I had written down the understanding I received from the Lord concerning this ministry of oil; I also shared this with him.

The interview suddenly took a terrible turn. I was told I had done something contrary to Canon Law, and the minister began looking through his papers to find for me where it was written. I became quite fearful at the way he was speaking, and was afraid I had done something wrong and that my husband would be upset with me for getting us into trouble with the church. I literally felt like we were being thrown out of the church.

I assured my minister a number of times that I was not aware of this law, that I was sorry if I had done something contrary to church teaching, and that I had never used this oil in conjunction with the church or with any ministry connected with the church, but had used it only in personal ministry. He did not seem to hear me: he was on a mission to find the canon law among his office papers. I sensed my husband beside me moving and getting impatient, and I saw that he had his hat in his hand as we sat there side by side. I was getting more and more anxious and fearful, and my face felt quite warm with the fear and anxiety. Jack stood up ready to leave, and the minister quickly suggested that he pray before we leave. He prayed, but it was for me: that I would understand what I had done. And we left.

As Jack and I sat in the car in the parking lot, I was shaking and afraid, and on the verge of tears. I told my husband that my face felt quite hot, and asked him if my face was red. He said Yes, and that it was probably my blood pressure. I don't have problems with my blood pressure, but when I looked in the car mirror, I did see that my face was quite pink.

Right then and there in the car, I learned how my husband felt about the interview. I told him I was sorry about what had happened, because I felt that I had gotten us both into trouble with the minister. Jack then asked me if I thought I had done anything wrong. I thought about this, and said no. Jack then told me that he had been ready to leave at the beginning of the meeting, because he did not like the way the minister was speaking to me, nor what he was saying to me. He said that he had stayed, for me, because he knew how involved and committed I was to the church.

He told me that it was the first time it had ever happened to him, that he had not agreed with someone in prayer.

I prayed and prayed the next day, asking the Lord to calm my heart, and giving it all into His hands, and then I called the minister to ask him about the Confirmation Day, and to say that I would be there to be received into the Anglican Communion. I truly felt that this negative encounter was a separate issue, and that we would be able to work through it. The minister then said to me: "We have decided not to receive you into the church."

I was stunned, and I began to ask him how this would impact the various ministries I was involved in, and although he did not answer me clearly, repeating a few times: "It's one and the same, isn't it?", I understood that I would be withdrawn from the ministries I was involved in at the church. I had an image of myself sitting in a pew, doing nothing. I asked about the work that I was doing with the Youth Group, ministry work that was always done in conjunction with our Youth Group Leader, and he said: "We have to be careful who gets involved with our Youth Group."

This was the biggest blow, and I really felt like I had been hit. I was devastated, horrified, and shocked at this response. A visit to my Doctor the next day indicated that, yes, my blood pressure was high. I explained to my family Doctor a little about what had happened to me, and she told me that it was most probably the stress of the situation that was causing my blood pressure to rise, but that she was going to refer me to a Cardiologist, just to be sure. To make a long story short, I did see the Cardiologist, I am perfectly healthy, and with no medication and lots of prayer, my blood pressure has gone back to normal.

On the day that I had spoken to my minister, the very day I was to be received into the Anglican Church, I called the friends who were going to support me by attending this event, to let them know that it was not going to happen. I explained the situation to only a handful of people; I did not want to be the cause of any problems or division at the Church.

In retrospect, I can see God's hand in all of this, and two of my friends had interesting responses for me:

Ruby, like me, a Roman Catholic worshiping in an Anglican Church, reminded me that in the story of the Exodus, it was the Lord Himself who had hardened Pharaoh's heart. She felt that God had hardened the minister's heart to my coming into full communion with this church. This was not the Lord's Will for me, she said. "He has something else in mind."

My friend Beverley, also a Roman Catholic, shared with me that when I had first told her that I would be officially joining the Anglican Church, the Lord put it on her heart to give me Scott Hahn's book, Rome Sweet Home. She resisted, and she said the Lord continued to nudge her and to press this upon her heart, and urgently, right up to the same day I was to be received. And she even said to the Lord at one point, 'But, Lord, this is happening today!'

So now began a new journey for us.

Without skipping a beat, my dear husband Jack told me to call St. Luke's Roman Catholic Church, to find out the times of their Masses. Jack had often mentioned the Church to me, because he is a runner, and he said that each time he ran past the Church, the parking lot was full. The next Sunday, we were there. And the next. We knew in our hearts that this was where the Lord was calling us to be. Then Jack told me to call the Priest, and to ask for a meeting. He did not want us to do anything that was contrary to the Church.

We explained to Father Roger our marital situation, that we were both in a second marriage, celebrated in an Anglican Church, and that we would like to come into Full Communion with the Roman Catholic Church. We shared about the Mass and the Holy Eucharist and what it meant to us. Father Roger listened to us, and encouraged us, and he set our feet on the path to coming into Full Communion with the Church. A little over a year later, we are almost at the end of our process, and it has been a real blessing. And the Lord has miraculously provided for us all that was needed:

The priests and the people; The teaching and the understanding; The patience and the funds.

In the days following the rejection of my request for full communion with the Anglican Church, my friend Beverley gave me the book by Scott and Kimberley Hahn, Rome Sweet Home, and a few others besides from Companions of the Cross, on evangelization, and on Mary. As I read, particularly Rome Sweet Home, the Lord enlightened me and encouraged me, and I kept asking myself in amazement, is this author really saying what I think he's saying?!! A truly beautiful book. I'm home, Lord, I'm home. We both are. Jack and I are both home.

And the Lord has been the One leading this process, every step of the way.

It was May 2005 when we first began to attend St. Luke's. In our Order of St. Luke Montreal Chapter Group, we had been praying for my friend Linda, also a member of the Roman Catholic Church. We had been praying for her for a while, as she shared about the healing ministry with Catholic Charismatic Services of Montreal, CCSM, and where she felt that the Lord was leading her. She shared that she had suggested to them training for anyone interested in the healing ministry, and she shared about the training she herself had received through the Order of St. Luke - Linda was in the Bible Study Group of gentle Roman Catholics who met in my home that I mentioned earlier - and how she felt more equipped now. At one point Linda's husband suggested to her that this would be too much for her to take on as she was still working full time, and why not ask me to help in this area, as I had helped with Linda's own training. When Linda spoke to me about the meetings for CCSM, I felt in my heart a strong desire to attend, and I felt excited about this. Little did I know that the Lord was about to open a new door.

Linda asked me if this was something that I could help with, and if she could suggest my name to the CCSM Steering Committee. I suggested that she ask them if they would be open to my coming to talk to them. If she was going to suggest to them that I do the training, I thought it would be good for them to meet me, so that they could then prayerfully consider this. I was invited to the July 2005 meeting. Linda told me that Father Tom Dowd, now Bishop Thomas Dowd of the Catholic Diocese of Montreal, had been named as Liaison for the revival of the Healing Ministry for the Diocese of Montreal.

One week prior to the meeting, I learned that Father Tom Dowd had also just been assigned as Assistant Priest at St. Luke's. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

The CCSM Committee meeting was great. I enjoyed meeting everyone, and I was happy to share about the Order and my experience in the Order and in the Healing Ministry. Father Tom had done a lot of research and it was a very productive meeting. At the end - and I felt a spiritual boldness when I did this - I asked them if they would pray about my joining their steering committee. They said yes, they would pray about it. The next meeting was scheduled for August 3rd.

I was called from the meeting on August 3rd, and told that it had been decided to use the ministry of the Order of St. Luke to train people who were feeling called to the healing ministry. I was asked if I would do the training, and if I was still interested in participating on the Steering Committee. I answered "yes" to both questions.

Now, almost two years later, (April 2007), two OSL Bible Study groups have completed their study program, and are presently working through a Year Two Training using a video series called School of Healing Prayer, Level I, offered through Francis MacNutt's Christian Healing Ministries. Two new groups, one English and one French, are now in the process of doing our OSL Bible Study Project; the time has just flown by, and I have been blessed through each person, most particularly in our journey home to the Catholic Church. They have been the Lord's provision for me, and through them, the Lord has gently re-integrated me back into the Roman Catholic Church; I am committed to serving these dear people in whatever way the Lord directs. And I look forward to more study groups in the future.

The Lord is also putting it upon my heart to begin a Healing Ministry at St. Luke's, to prepare Prayer Teams who will be available to pray with parishioners in need of prayer, in a quiet place in the Church following each Mass. I have met with Father Roger and I am now in the process of inviting people to prayerfully consider this ministry. Training will begin in September (has already started, these are our two groups, one English, and one French). As our Church is English and French with Masses in both languages, there will be two separate groups in training for this new healing ministry. Father Tom Dowd has also just again been transferred, and will now be serving the entire Diocese, English and French. The Lord is certainly going before us in this work of reviving the Healing Ministry in the Diocese of Montreal. We also now offer a monthly bilingual Eucharist, followed by healing ministry.

One Sunday after we began attending St. Luke's, Father Roger announced that he would be giving teaching on two evenings, about the Mass. It was to be on a Tuesday evening, and I was giving a course, so Jack went alone; he was going to share what he learned with me. When he came home, our group was on a break, and so he was only able to share one thing with me, that it was interesting, and that people were praying the Rosary when he got there. We couldn't discuss further because I had to get back to the group study, but I wondered what this had meant for him. The Rosary and Mary are two things that are foreign to the Anglican Church, and my husband had often referred to himself as a 'cradle Anglican'.

Later, as I prepared for bed, we talked a bit. Jack said that when they were saying the Rosary, they were saying a lot of prayers that he did not know. I asked him how he felt when he heard them praying the Rosary. He was quiet for a few moments. Then he said, with a little surprise in his voice: "I was very comfortable."

Later, one of our RCIA sessions was about the Rosary, and we had a chance to pray a decade and to do a little reflection together. The next night, again a Tuesday, I was giving a course, and Jack was settling for the evening into the office we have upstairs. I went in to do something before the group members arrived, and saw that he had begun to say the Rosary, using his instruction sheet and a little plastic Rosary I had given him from our neighbour across the street, where the oil is flowing.

I had decided to buy Jack a Rosary with the symbol of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal on it as a gift for his Confirmation; I was going to be his Sponsor. I wondered if I should give it to him right away, and so I took the Rosary out of its hiding place to show him, and I asked him if he wanted it right away. He said that he would wait for his Confirmation Day, but that he was glad he knew, because he had decided to buy one.

Father Michael McKenna comes to our home once a week to do the Order of St. Luke Bible Study Course - he is going to be a Chaplain for our Montreal Chapter (this has already happened) - and I asked him to bless the Rosary for Jack. Jack prays his Rosary every day.

My journey back to saying the Rosary has also been a beautiful, and to me, a miraculous one. The first step was going to Confession. I confessed that I had turned my back on the Church, on Mary; I had failed miserably in raising my sons in the Catholic Faith. Father McKenna led me to read this reflection by St. Louis de Montfort: Rest assured that the more you turn to Mary in your prayers, meditations, actions and sufferings...the more surely you will discover Jesus. Father said that as I was turning to Mary now, I would see changes in my sons' lives. And I have.

I began asking the people in my Order of St. Luke study groups for Novenas with Mary, and these dear people began to pass things on to me, novenas, prayers, books. And I ate them up. I was like a baby moving from spiritual milk to spiritual food. As I look back, I don't see how it was possible that I did all that reading, but I did. And I began to pray the Rosary again.

I must share about the first Novena booklet I received. Franca, one of our OSL Bible Study Group members, gave me a little French booklet entitled, Marie qui défait les noeuds, "Mary Who Unties Knots". This was in the morning. This booklet has an image of Mary on it as I have never seen before. She is wearing a reddish gown, and her cape is a billowing black-navy colour. Her hair is also reddish. In the little booklet, Franca had also given me a card with an image of the Child Jesus; he is wearing a white gown and his hair is also reddish.

I had an appointment that afternoon with another friend. She also came bearing gifts. When I opened the box she brought for me, I found myself looking at a statue of Our Lady and the Child Jesus. Mary had a reddish gown. Her cape was a billowing black-navy cape. Her hair was a reddish color. I stared and stared. Catherine wondered and told me that if I was not comfortable with statues, that was okay. She said that she had wanted to bring something to me, and that it kept coming to her to bring me this particular statue. I told her, no, it was not because I was uncomfortable with it. Then I picked up my Novena booklet and showed her. The image of Mary was the same, and although the image on the booklet did not have an image of Jesus, the card that Franca had given me of the Child Jesus had the same image of the Child Jesus that was in the statue. The reddish hair of Mother and Child, the color of the clothing, the billowing cape of Mary - all the same.

And I remember thinking that both Father Roger and our RCIA leader John, had mentioned the word signs at times in their teachings, and that we were to look for them: signs from the Lord.

I had just begun to pray the Rosary a couple of days before, and I had been feeling a little uncertain about adding this new element to my prayer times. These "signs", these images of Mary and the Child Jesus were my confirmation from the Lord. Thanks be to God, and Thanks be to Him for His obedient servants!

We had followed RCIA for a year, and Jack's Confirmation was coming up. As I shared earlier, I had decided to buy him a Rosary as a gift. I also wanted one for myself, but nothing seemed to "fit". I decided to leave this with the Lord. I prayed and gave it into His hands. After that, thoughts of a silver Rosary started coming to me. I kept giving this to the Lord, wondering why. Maybe because my Mom had one??

The week before Jack's Confirmation at Easter Vigil, I decided to go to the Diocesan Book Room (downtown Montreal, Quebec) to buy him a Confirmation Card. I was early, so I picked up a coffee and wandered slowly down to the store, thinking that perhaps they might open early. The Diocesan Book Room was still closed, and as I approached, I was surprised to see that there was a long row of Rosaries in gift boxes displayed all along the front of the store window, and there in the center was a gold Rosary. Not silver, but gold; must be expensive, I thought.

The store opened, and I went in. I asked the girl I knew there, Carolyn, about the gold Rosary in the window. "It's not gold," she said, "it's silver. It's just tarnished." And she got it out of the window to show me.

Carolyn took the time then to show me different Rosaries, small ones, long ones, light ones, heavy ones, rosaries with smooth beads and rough beads, and different styles as well, wrist beads for instance. And I continued to hold the gold coloured rosary in my hands. The beads were quite small; I wondered if they were too small. Then Carolyn looked at me and directed me to look at the Rosary. "It's turning silver in your hands," she said. And so it was.

My Birthday was coming, and I wondered if Jack had had any ideas, so I called him and asked if this would be helpful, and yes he said it would. Carolyn was kind, and said that I could keep it for a couple of weeks to see if this was the one I wanted.

I took the train home from downtown, and decided to pray the Rosary on the way home, to see how it felt in my hands. After a little sprinkling of Holy Water from the little bottle I carry around in my purse, I put the Rosary in my pocket, and began to pray as I walked home. It was a beautiful experience.

Holding the small Crucifix in my pocket, I prayed The Creed...I felt along the chain, and then, oh yes, there was the bead for the Our Father, and I prayed "Our Father...", and then there's the chain again, and the next bead for the Hail Mary, and I prayed again, "Hail Mary, full of Grace..." and then felt a shorter chain, and then the next bead and the next bead...and then the chain is longer now and here's the next Our Father...and I continued praying, and I thought, "Yes, I can tell what prayers to pray by the beads and the length of the chain in between them." And I continued to pray.

As I prayed, the Scripture came to me about the mustard seed, and I had the thought that the little beads of the Rosary in my coat pocket felt like little mustard seeds slipping between my fingers as I prayed. And the Scripture came to me, that the mustard seed is the smallest of all the seeds, yet when it is planted it grows into a large plant, and then into a large tree, and all the birds come to nest in its branches. And the thought came to me that my prayers were small, like little mustard seeds, but that they would avail much. I was moved to tears.

I completed praying my Rosary, and when I got in the door at home, I looked for the Scripture and I read:
"The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:32-32

I called Carolyn at the Diocesan Book Room. I told her that my life experiences are often like Theological Reflections. I shared my experience with her, and told her that I had found my Rosary. Thanks to the Lord. And I thanked her again for her help.

I am now reading and praying through St. Louis de Montfort's True Devotion, Consecration to Mary. The Lord is also putting it upon my heart to start a Rosary Group over the summer, to look Scripturally at Mary and the Rosary as an introduction to the first session, and then to learn and pray through different chaplets and Novenas of the Rosary. The Lord is also leading me to encourage others to say the Rosary and to give them as gifts.

By the time I got home that day, my Rosary had turned completely silver. And so it has remained.

My silver Rosary

I was led to write about this experience in an article entitled, "On Choosing a Rosary"; the article appeared in the April 2007 issue of the Montreal Anglican Newspaper.

Jack was certain from the get go. For myself, I was now quite Scripture-based in my thinking. When I wondered about praying to Mary, he told me that it was simple: It was not so much praying to her, but asking her to intercede. Scott Hahn's book was there for him to read since May 2005. I kept waiting for the 'block' to come for him: Mary, the Rosary, the saints. And Jack just embraced it all. It made sense to him.

One day he told me that when he was in the Anglican Church, every time he said the Creed and prayed:
"I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church..."
he always thought: "I believe in the Catholic Church. What am I doing in the Anglican Church?"

Taking RCIA, Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, was my husband's decision. And I must say, of all the courses I have taken in my life, and there have been many, this was the most blessed of all.

I had asked my friend Beverley if I could hold on to Rome Sweet Home for a while, for Jack to read. The week before his Confirmation, Jack read the book. He poured over it, Bible in hand, and we would talk about some of the things he was reading. It was an exciting time for us.

At the end he said: "I was sure before I read. The book is confirmation."

Thanks Bev. Thanks Lord.

I have now asked Beverley if I could pass the book on to a friend who is worshipping in another denomination.

Now today, as I sit here and write this, as I think about our Wedding Day this April 14th, 2007, and as I look at the pictures that were taken, I remember what Father Roger and John Armour often said to us: "Watch for the signs." Being now quite Scripture-based in my thinking, solely looking in God's Word for confirmation, I wondered about that. Father McKenna also often talked about EWTN and about a program called The Journey Home, telling me that Jack and I would help others to come home as well. I wondered about that too.

We first attended St. Luke's Parish on May 8th 2005 and decided to return the following Sunday. Walking to the car, after our second Sunday at Luke's, Jack asked me to call Father Roger to make an appointment. We talked about it and decided that we wanted to come into Full Communion with the Catholic Church, Jack becoming a Catholic, and our marriage being recognized.

During our first appointment with Father Roger, we explained our situation: both Jack and I were divorced: I a divorced Catholic, Jack a divorced Anglican who had been married to a Catholic, and that we had been married in the Anglican Church in 1991. Father Roger was very encouraging and said that he would try to find out as much as possible what we needed to do. We were ecstatic.

Several weeks later, we met again, but this time the news was not so good. It was more complicated than we thought, and Father Roger sadly told us that it would be more difficult than we had originally thought, and that it may not be possible. A little discouraged, Jack and I never-the-less knew in our hearts what we wanted, and we trusted in the Lord to do it for us.

My good friend Beverley had recently gone through a similar process, and gave us the number of a priest at the Chancery Office. We called for an appointment, and we both met with Father Picot. After speaking with us, he felt that it would be possible for us. He told us the cost involved: $1500 each. As Jack is nearing retirement, and with fairly nothing but Quebec Pension to come our way, this would be a lot of money for us. But we were certain of our direction; we talked about our finances and decided to start with my case first. I called for the interview.

I remembered what Beverley had said to me about this process for herself: "It was very healing." And so it was.

You see, when the civil law looks at a divorce, it looks at the breakdown of the marriage, the situation at the end of the marriage, the irreconcilable differences, the pain. On the other hand, the Church in the anullment process, looks at the beginning of the life of the person, the early part of the relationship, the time before the beginning of the marriage: what was my childhood like, my upbringing, my environment? Was there maturity, a clear understanding of the state and sanctity of marriage?

During the process of my interview, I began to understand more clearly the fragile and naive state of my mind at the time, and the situation as I had perceived it, when I was 21 and considering the prospect of marriage. It really was a healing process. I was able to speak about things that I had never shared with anyone, except recently with Jack. And I realized that I had doubted the Voice inside of me, warning me against this marriage; I also realized then that the Lord had been with me right at the beginning, even though I felt that He had abandoned me during that difficult time in my life.

What a relief to go right back to the beginning and to see all these things in a new way. Father Picot was gracious and wise, and when I received the text of my interview, it was simple and non-judgmental, but an honest and gentle statement of the true situation at that time. I signed the document and returned it to the Chancery Office, with the deposit of $200. The process was underway.

I did feel led by the Lord, however, to include in our letter to the Tribunal Ecclésiastique de Montréal an appeal for help. Here is the text of that letter, dated September 13, 2005:

Dear Monseigneur Gauvin,

I was very happy to receive my copy of the attached letter from your offices. Please find enclosed a check in the amount of $200. Concerning the balance ($1300), I would like to ask you if you would kindly consider a reduction for me.

I am 56 and my husband will be 62 this November. Both Jack and I have spent the majority of our lives providing for our families. Neither of us has had the opportunity to participate in a company pension plan. When Jack retires in a few years from now, our main source of income, until I also reach retirement age, will be his government old age pension.

I have enclosed a copy of my Statement of Participation in the Québec Pension Plan, Régie des rentes Québec, received this August 23, 2005. I have not earned an income since 1998. I have felt called instead to give of my time, energy, and resources in serving the Church.

My husband Jack will also be submitting his request for an annulment of his first marriage. A Machinist by trade, having worked for MIL Vickers for 25 years, he now works in Maintenance at Caristrap International. I have enclosed a copy of Jack's 2004 T4.

We have as well five children and eleven grandchildren, whom we try to help as best we can. One of our sons recently found himself in an emergency situation, and in need of a new pair of glasses, which we gladly purchased for him; when we changed our car a few years ago, rather than trying to get some extra money for our Ford Tempo, we gave it to another son, who did not have a car for his little family.

Best of all, this past year Jack and I felt that it was important for each of our children to have a good Bible, and so we have been in the process of buying a Bible for each of them, all the Moms and Dads, and the older grandchildren as well. We were even able to purchase an Italian Bible for one of our son-in-laws. We weren't sure of the language or dialect, so we hadn't written any special message to him in it before giving it to him. Satisfied that he was happy with it, I tried to take it back into my hands to write him a little message. Ignazio wouldn't let it out of his hands, he was so happy to have it! And now, in these past six months we have been blessed with three new grandchildren - grandsons Justin & Alec-Jack, and granddaughter Jordan Elisabeth. (A new granddaughter since this letter, sister to Jordan, is Samara Jayden Marie...interesting that the names Marie and Elisabeth would be added to our last two Granddaughters names, especially at this time in our lives! We have also just now started giving Rosaries as gifts to our children...)

There is always a need when you have children, and grandchildren, and we pray to God that we will be able to continue to help as best as we can, with all of our dear family members, well into our senior years.

Our lifestyle is modest, frugal even. We live in a small condominium, and we do not travel or dine out very often. Our lives truly revolve around our children & grandchildren, and around our Church life. It is our hope and prayer that this sets an example for our children, and our grandchildren, that material things are not what bring happiness.

Coming into Full Communion in the Catholic Church is very important to both Jack and I, for ourselves, and again, for our children and grandchildren. We pray that you will find it in your heart to help us out a bit with the financing of this process, and we look forward very much to hearing from you in this regard.

The way for us is clear, and we will in any case, proceed. May the Lord bless you abundantly.

Yours truly, Penelope De Cairos-Olive

A couple of days later I received a call from Madame Hélène Meunier, Financial services. She said to me that Monseigneur Gauvin had my letter in his hand and had just read it, and said to call to tell us that they would take care of everything for us. I thanked her, and had a good cry afterwards, thanking the Lord for His Grace and Mercy. Another sign, I thought.

It was not hard to explain this process to my children, as they had been brought up Roman Catholic. As a matter of fact, my granddaughter Jordan Elisabeth was baptized soon after into the Catholic Church by the same priest who had baptized my sons so many years before.

The process for Jack has been a little more challenging for us, not because of paper work, but because of misunderstanding concerning the annulment process; it is so important to explain these things properly to family and friends, regardless of how long it has been since the divorce. The pain of the past can very quickly become the pain of the present.

In the long run, Jack did not need an annulment, and the process for him was a very simple one. All that was needed was a Certificat of Liberty (a mere $25); his marriage had been to a Roman Catholic, celebrated in an Anglican Church without permission from the Roman Catholic Church; the marriage was recognized as a civil marriage, but not as a Sacrament.

The culmination of it all - The Wedding Day - was a thing of beauty. The Peace and Grace of the Lord was evident in our hearts, and both Jack and I shared afterwards with each other that this Wedding was the most beautiful that we had ever experienced - and, it was ours!

My two sons, Jason and Devon, were Readers; they also prayed the Intentions. Two of our Grandsons, Jacob and Jonathon, were our ringbearers, and our eldest Granddaughter, Jessica, joined them to bring up the gifts at the Offertory. My Mom, Elisabeth, was my witness, and Jack's son, Jason, was his.

Father Roger was Celebrant, and, nice surprise, Father Michael McKenna was con-celebrant. John Armour, our RCIA leader, was Cantor. Jack and I spoke about this later as being another sign for us: these three men were all instrumental during the process of our Journey Home.

We had a lovely celebration at home, sharing a meal together with family and friends. We didn't expect it, and were blessed with beautiful gifts, not the least of which was a special surprise from our closest Catholic friends, another sign of their loving care for our journey home: they provided the funds for us, so that Jack and I could upgrade our cable package and be eligible to include EWTN. They included the following message in their card:

Penny as Maid of Honor at the Crowning of Our Lady, St. Aloysius, 1961

Jack's Confirmation at St. Luke's; (L to R) Father Roger, Penny, Jack

First Communion with my sister Nancy at St. Aloysius, 1958, (L to R) Penny, Nancy

Here we are with Father Roger on our Wedding Day (L to R) Father Roger Martineau, Penny, Jack

       
Receiving the Body and Blood of Christ, (L to R) Father Roger Martineau, Penny, Jack

The Eucharistic Community of St. Luke, Father Roger Martineau; La communauté de St-Luc, L'abbé Roger Martineau

           
Fun shopping with Jordan Elisabeth for a Wedding Day Dress! Oops, I think we found it!

Life and Doctrine