October, 1998...the year of the ice storm in Montreal, Quebec.
Last summer, I began to feel that I should re-read my journals. I shared this with a friend and told her, "I think I should be reading my Bible, not my journals." I didn't do it. The feeling wouldn't leave me.
On January 6th, day 1 of the ice storm, we woke up, along with a million others, to no heat and electricity. My husband Jack absolutely refused to leave me at home, and so, armed with pen, yellow hi-lighter, and journals, I went to work with him.
He set me up at a desk in his department, and I began the task of re-reading my journals. During those three days, I would often become overwhelmed at what I read, and I cried in silence many times. I began to understand that these words were not just for me.
My position at World Vision Canada had been cut as of January 2nd, and so, as soon as the ice storm crisis was over, I began my job search. Each time I would look through the classified ads, write a letter, send a resumé, or make an appointment, I would hear the words, "Useless activity".
I continued in my way.
Then I began to hear, "Do not be like a horse with a bit in its mouth." I looked in my Bible and I read,
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you."
Psalm 32:8-9
During this time, the Lord was directing me to write. "Write what?" I asked. And the answer came, "You have already written." My spiritual journals came to mind. Stubbornly, I continued in my efforts to find a job. I became agitated, unhappy, burdened, exhausted. And the Lord said to me, "Only My Voice brings Peace."
In February, I conceded. I set aside my own understanding of what needed to be done next, and sat down to the serious business of writing.
An amazing thing happened. Words that I had written over the past few years began to take shape and to fall into order, and before my eyes, became a series of three books.
The first book is called, 'The Unquenchable Fire & Streams of Living Water'. It is about prayer and about our relationship with God. It is about how He works with us, around us, and through us in our everyday lives. And finally, it is about His expectations of us in this relationship.
The second book in the series is called, 'Prepare the Way'. It contains various teachings on many issues on God, the church, and the world around us. One day, as I was proof- reading this book, I stopped for a moment and asked prayerfully, "Lord, are you sure I don't need an editor for this?" I heard, "You are My editor." This was true. All these words were His. I was merely the typist.
The third book, called, 'They Come', is about God's call to us. It is God telling us that when His children come forth from the four corners of the earth, as has been foretold, it will not be because we have called them, but because they now hear the Voice that has called them from before they were formed in the womb. It is about man's salvation.
Before I began this third book, the Lord told me that this one would take the longest, and would be the hardest. I didn't understand what He meant at the time. But, as the weeks went by, I became filled with anxiety, and I began to agonize and to worry over the things I was writing. This 'Word' turned into 55 chapters, and as I neared the end of this work, I suddenly noticed something.
Both of my breasts had masses of large lumps in them. Jack and I were both quite concerned.
I went for a mammogram, and my Doctor called me and said that she wanted to see me that afternoon. she examined me and told me that masses in both breasts had shown up in the x-rays, masses that had not shown up in my previous x-rays. She said that she would set up an appointment for me with a breast surgeon at the Royal Victoria Breast Clinic. She asked me if I would be at home the following day. I was attending the Montreal Prayer Summit (organized by Montreal's Christian Direction), but I told her that I would pick up my messages.
I wondered at the urgency in her voice.
On my way home, I prayed and lifted all this up to Jesus. And I heard, "I have taken this in hand." The next day at the Prayer Summit, we began with prayer and praise, and at one point, we were sitting in a large circle for a time of intercession. Towards the end of the morning, as I prayed, the Lord brought to mind my physical condition, and I heard, "You have brought this upon yourself." With these words came the understanding that I had been worrying about the words in this work that the Lord had put before me, words that were not mine, but His. I was led to bring this forward for prayer.
As I was being prayed for, I repented and asked for forgiveness. I heard again, "I have taken this in hand." Then I heard, "I have removed this from you." And finally, "This is far from you." I felt very peaceful.
When I arrived home, I discovered that the Doctor's office had indeed called. There were 7 messages from the secretary on my answering machine! There had been an appointment made for me at the Breast Clinic that same day, that had been cancelled because I had not called in. I called the Doctor's office the following day, and a new appointment was made for me. The nurse sounded quite concerned, and wished me luck. I remember thinking, "I don't need luck. I have the Lord on my side." And again I wondered at the urgency.
As the days went by, I continued to do my BSEs (Breast Self-Examinations). The lumps began to diminish in size! Two days before my appointment, I was continually filled with an inexplicable joy, and now I found that, whereas before, I could feel the lumps at the lightest touch of my fingers on my skin, I now had to 'search' to find something.
I kept hearing, "This is far from you."
The day of the appointment, Jack and I traveled together to the appointment at the Breast Clinic. He stayed with me for the examination. Dr. Wexler came in and out of the room several times, saying that he was going to look at the x-rays. Jack said to me that it seemed as if the Doctor was saying that he had the wrong x-rays.
Finally, Dr. Wexler said to me, "Can you show me where you thought you felt something?" I explained to him, that before, I hardly had to touch to feel the lumps, they were so prominent, and that now, I had to 'search' to find them. I told him that I now felt absolutely nothing on the right side, and I showed him where I thought there might possibly be something on the left side.
The Doctor told me that he couldn't find anything. He told me that he would take a tissue sample from the left side, and that if there was anything, he would call, but that he was sure that there was nothing to worry about. He told me that whatever had showed up on the x-ray was no longer there. He told me that if this happened again, that I was to come in right away. I said softly, "Thank You, Lord."
I heard nothing more from his office.
That morning, before we left for the appointment at the Breast Clinic, I had completed the third book.
Last week, I went for my annual checkup. I told Dr. Laerd a bit about what had happened, and I said to her, "I guess I have been given a little gift." She said to me, "No. You've been given a big gift."
What is next? I don't know. The three manuscripts are sitting on a shelf in the room I pray in. Some would say that I have to "do" something with them. I say no. Nowadays, when I bring this before the Lord, the only thing I hear is, "You are to wait."
And so I wait.
July 22nd, 2002...at this time, I feel led to share these things through the vehicle of this web site. To God be the Glory!