April 27 2022...
Jason's words in a poem to Sarah on her birthday...his beloved wife, who, having passed before him in October 2014, is now in heaven.

"We had each other
We didn't need anyone
Except the kids
Nobody ever had more life burning bright inside
Nobody had more love
Every lost second I spent
Over nothings I wasted
Burns my face
Another moment with you
Warm in your smile
Your impossible laugh
You loved me for who I was
Not for what you wished me to be
But I knew when those two things collided
You shone like the sun
And my heart was in your hands
You could break it apart but you never did
How far I am from who I was then
We're together in the music."
-Jason Michael Thibodeau, April 2022.

October 11, 2023
journal entry from my personal book of poems...
Words Jason shared with me tonight (near the anniversary of Sarah's passing)...

"We are sunlight...
dancing on the water..."
- Jason Thibodeau

note...
Jay called and we had a conversation about many things...
I am always blessed
and grateful that
he feels he can
just call to talk.
My heart was full afterwards, with a mixture of many feelings, which finally came together in peace.
- Penelope De Cairos Olive

Preface

First Sign
November 1, 2014
Meditation on John 6:37-40
I was thinking of Sarah, now with the Lord, and I felt peaceful, and this came to me:

The Lord.
"If she is with me, she will be raised up on the last day."

Last Thursday I went to Maureen's and prayed the Rosary and the Divine Mercy. As I was praying, I asked the Lord to give me a sign that Sarah is with him in heaven.

Where I sit, I face the side wall, not the wall where most of the statues and icons are that are oiling, not the wall with the wall tapestry (Sacred Heart of Jesus) where the carpet is oiling. I face the side wall. On this wall in the centre is a large crucifix. To the left of the crucifix is an icon on canvas with two images: a picture of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and to the right of this picture, the Sacred Heart of Mary. I have never seen anything unusual, until that Thursday.

When I finished my prayer asking for a sign that Sarah is with Him, recalling the words of both Father Roger and John Armour, may they rest in peace, to pray for signs, I looked up and saw a woman's figure, kneeling just to the right of Mary's upraised hand, Mary's veil over her head and over her. The woman's robes were covered in red. The shed blood of Jesus I thought. It was Sarah, I thought and this was my sign. As I considered this, I recalled how from the first day of hearing her diagnosis of breast cancer, I had prayed to the Lord for her healing, and asked the Lord how to pray for her. "Pray the Rosary for her" is what had come to me, and this is what I have done every day since she received this diagnosis. Sometimes, most of the time, more than two rosaries. The night Sarah passed I prayed four rosaries for her. Mary has been interceding for her, and the Lord was showing me that Sarah is with him, and covered in the precious blood of Jesus.

She is with him.

I also recalled that I had also been praying that Sarah be covered with the precious blood of Jesus Christ, and asking Mother Mary to place her mantle of love over her.

All of the answers to my prayers for Sarah are reflected in how the kneeling woman is presented in the icon on canvas.

This Thursday I was there again for the Divine Mercy and for the Rosary, and I thought again to ask for a sign and then I looked and the image was there for me.

March 3, 2025, early morning
Sirach 17:24-29, Psalm 31, Mark 10:17-23 The Rich young man
Heureux l'homme dont la faut est enlevée.
Morning prayer time, journal entry

The Lord.
"My child, I know you struggle with these things. What matters is the heart. Fill your heart with good things, desires, hopes, dreams, and follow me. For I am the fulfillment of all hopes, prayers, and dreams. You will always find solace if you trust in me. Now go to your day, and do the things I put before you. For the time grows short, for you and for all mankind. Trust in me, my child. Trust in me."

later same day...
Loyola Press webinar, Tim Muldoon.
Theme: Removing Obstacles to Grace this Lent
How am I coming to Lent?
What is the main hat I wear?
pilgrim of hope...

spiritual workout, Ignatian workout for Lent
spiritual fitness, spiritual workout

Grace:
water we are swimming in, gratis, free gift

(I was in the start of the webinar, and received a call from Jacob, my grandson, that Jason was going by ambulance to the Lakeshore Hospital, unconscious...the children are on the way, and we went too)...

later, March 3rd 2025
Jason passed today, suddenly.

March 4, 2025

I am numb. All is surreal. Then it is deep, despairing sadness and pain.
Last night I prayed for a sign that Jay is with the Lord. And I recalled that Jason had been sharing about his spiritual journey, that he understood what I was saying. He had encounters with God and knew consolation. He also said he had prayed the Our Father.
He texted me this as well and said that if he married again, it would be Catholic, he would not reject his Baptism or his faith.
He had found his faith and my prayers were answered.
Then as I suffered in pain before the Lord and gave all the suffering to him to use as he would, the Lord spoke to my heart and said.
"This is the sign, you will receive consolation."
And I was in consolation. This has happened a few times already.
Jason is with Sarah and the family, and watching over us with her.

March 5, 2025
Ash Wednesday
Thank you, Lord.
I entered the church, went to light 2 candles, one for the children and Devon, the other for Jason, and I knelt before the Divine Mercy image of Jesus, entrusting all into his hands.
"I give you my heart" I prayed.

During the Intercessory Prayer, I prayed in my heart for personal prayers, for Jason, Eternal rest, that the Lord would bring him home, wipe away his tears, heal his heart. And I was asking forgiveness for the failure to help when the Lord said to me, "He is with me now, and he is asking you to pray for the children."
I was so grateful and to tears, prayed for the children.

During Communion, I was again repenting and sorry for failing him and then the Lord spoke again, and Jason too.
The Lord. "Your son is with me and Sarah too. They are pleased with you."
And I hear Jason.
"I understand now, and we are happy you are there with the kids. Pray for them and accompany them."
I received the assurance that all would be well and they would be provided for.

Jason.
"Mom, I am with you now and I am so happy. The Lord has given me such a beautiful place. But I will only be here for a while."

The Lord did say it would be for a little while. The Lord is here too and I feel such great consolation in my heart.
The Lord.
"Now go to bed..."
Thank you Lord God, Thank you.

Reference
Spiritual Exercises [223-224] see March 8th.

March 7, 2025
Psalm 51
Journal entry
I am mourning my son, my beautiful son. I am surrendering my younger son, my lost child, to the Lord. I will ask a Mass for him.

My heart hurts, not for one but for two. And the Lord comforts me with his consolation in my whole being as well as my heart.

Psalm 51 touches me today.
I am always repenting, sorry for my mistakes.

I hold on to the grace, the answer to prayer, that I will see my sons in eternity, and now I pray for my grandchildren as they mourn the loss of their dad, my son Jason.
Bless you, Lord Jesus. Bless you!

March 8, 2025
Isaiah 58:9b-14, Psalm 86, Luke 5:27-32

The Lord.
"I want you to just listen to me today. Times are hard, but I am very near, as are your loved ones with me. Trust in me, my child. I will direct you in the way you should go, and in the things you should do. I am pleased that you hear me and that you listen to me. There is no reason to be afraid or to worry as you do. Trust in me. Have I not shown you the way in the past. I am the Consoler as Ignatius told all whom I put before him, and ... to this day. I am risen and I spend time with my people. It pleases me that you come to me and that you have given me your heart, and I bring consolation, but not for what you do or who you are, but because I love you with an everlasting love. Now go to your day. All will be well. This pain too will pass for I come to console and to heal. Trust in me my child, and follow the desires of your heart, for it is I who have placed them in your heart. I hear the prayers you send up for your loved ones and even for those you do not know - and I answer them. I will bring comfort and consolation to your loved ones. All will be well. All will be well. Amen."

It is coming to me to do a Memorial Mass for Jason and Sarah. I had asked for a regular Mass (not regular as ordinary, but our usual mass that we attend at 8:30am). But now I am feeling to ask for a Memorial Mass. And to share the word the Lord gave me as in the previous pages, about Jason and the Lord. (Probably share about Sarah, but that is because the Mass is for both of them).
"Memorial Mass for Jason and Sarah"

Reference
Spiritual Exercises [223-224]
concerning March 4th and 5th
experiences of consolation as written in this journal. [223-224] Spiritual Exercises, literal version. [223] Fourth Point. The fourth, to consider how the divinity, which seemed to hide itself in the passion, now appears and shows itself so marvelously in the most holy resurrection by its true and most holy effects. [224] Fifth point. The fifth is to consider the Office of Consoling which Christ our Lord bears, and to compare how friends are accustomed to console friends.

LITERAL VERSION
David L. Fleming SJ
Draw me into your friendship
The Spiritual Exercises

[223-224] Spiritual Exercises Contemporary Reading
[219-224] [223-224]

...[223,224] In contrast to the passion, I should note how much the divinity shines through the person of Jesus in all his appearances. The peace and the joy which he wants to share with me can only be a gift of God. To realize that the role of Consoler which Jesus performs in each of his resurrection appearances is the same role he performs now in my life is a faith insight into why I can live my life in a true Christian optimism.

THE CONTEMPORARY READING

March 8, 2025
Jason.
"I have forgiven you Mom, and I am happy. I understand now, and I have a special place here, thanks to you. I will go soon and you won't hear from me, but I love you and I will be watching over you now and praying for you, as you have always prayed for me. Try not to be so sad because of me. I am okay, more than okay and Sarah is too. We love you and we will be watching from afar. But the Lord is near, nearer than you can imagine. Pray for our children and we will pray for you. I love you.
The Lord is near, as you always say and hear. Amen."

March 11, 2025
Isaiah 55:10-11, Psalm 34, Matthew 6.7-15
The Lord.
"This is a day of prayer for your son, who is with me now, and for his beloved Sarah. Trust in me my child. I will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Do not be afraid, but trust. There are many who who long to hear what you hear, and to do what you do. But I have chosen you. You have not chosen me. And so it is with much joy and delight that I tell you this: There are none that you know who shall not be with me. Trust in me. Not one will fall from my hand. Now go to your day and know this: This is a day of prayer for your son. Be happy and rejoice in it. Amen."

The Scriptures today speak to me about Jason;
Isaiah answered prayer for me.
Psalm answered prayer for me.
Matthew 6:7-15 He (Jason) was praying the Our Father.

Lord, it is a mystery to me, but I accept this cross of losing my son here, and give him to you completely. Thank you for the grace of knowing he is with you and Sarah. Thank you for the gift of having him with me on earth. May my love go with him, as small as it is to Yours. Help me to find Peace on this earth until I see him again. And thank you for the consolation of hearing his voice for a while on this earth. May my grandchildren find Peace and Joy again, soon, O Lord. That their lives will be rich with love and grace and that we find courage to continue on until we see them both again, Jason & Sarah. Bless them Lord as you bless Jason in heaven with you, on this day of prayer for him. May his joy be complete in you, O Lord, and may his righteousness shine like the noonday sun. Come Holy Spirit. Come in the Name of Jesus. Mother Mary I entrust him to you.
Amen.

The Lord.
"This is a day of prayer for your son and for his beloved Sarah."

March 11, 2025 late evening hours
After prayer of intercession...
I felt the Lord telling me that Jason would still come to me, when I need comfort I think...I could not write at the time this was coming to me. He said that Jason had a special gift, and that He will bless him with this special grace.
The Lord will make this clearer to me when the time is right. For now I am grateful, and the loss seems less hard to bear.
Thank you Lord jesus, Mother Mary. And Jason will also be an intercessor for us when the time is right. All is in the Lord's Good Time.
Amen.

March 12, 2025
Psalm 51

Jason.
"I am still here. I've been given a special grace to come to you. Don't be sad mom, I love you and we'll see each other again. All is forgiven, but there was not much. You did your best, gave everthing for us, never selfish. You put yourself last, always gave everything for us. I did not see this then, but I see it now. Life was hard for you, but you continued on. Please continue on now, for the kids, they need you. You must now teach them about their faith. Do not hesitate. We want them to have everything as we do, so continue with them."

Thank you, Lord, for this grace.
Lord Jesus, Mother Mary, pray for us.

March 17, 2025 Morning
Two weeks since Jason passed.
The Lord.
"You can write these things down, my child. They will sustain you. My mother too had to continue on without her Son."

Jason:
"Mom, do not be afraid. All will be well. Sarah and I are watching over you all. I love you. Do not be afraid. Do not worry. All will be well. You are not alone. You are all surrounded by us. There are many things I would like to tell you. But this is the most important: Do not fear, and continue on. We are fine, more than fine. All is good here for you. No more tears and pain and stress and worry. All is gone. Only Love remains. Trust me, this is the way, freedom from worry, and love. So continue on. Turn to God in all things. And the Lord will comfort you.
I love you. Jason."

Everything is going to be okay.
Thank you Lord. Mother Mary, pray for us. Pray for me.

March 17, 2025 evening
Examen Prayer
I would like a picture of both Jason and Sarah (for the funeral) and the Lord's prayer on the other side, also a mention of the Year of Jubilee.
So meaningful for me as Jason has been brought home and is with Sarah now, praying for us. Thank you Lord, thank you.
As I looked back the Lord showed me that what Jason had said is true.
The Lord.
"It is true that you give all of yourself, you hold nothing back, you do not take for yourself, you give all that is needed, and I am well pleased my child. You do the same for me. You give all of your heart, thoughts, and energy, and you love it as you do the work, you love the people who will receive or benefit, and this is good, very good, my child. Very Good. Amen."

March 24, 2025
The days have been difficult and painful, and also wonderful, and full of insight, revelation, and consolation, all with tears and hurting heart, turning to God in gratitude and in supplication.

Jason still speaks in my heart, my ear at times. This is a grace from God, Who knows my frailty and fragility during this time. He is taking care of me in my grief.

March 25, 2025
The Lord.
"All will be well, my child.
I will carry you through and your son will bring you comfort."

March 26, 2025
The days are going quickly, and things are getting busy, Jacob visiting Ashlen in hospital tonight, Jess quite busy with all she is doing...she is executor.

So much to write concerning Jason and the miracle of St. Francis when he tamed the fierce wolf.
He had come home to his faith.

March 28, 2025

The Lord.
"Today I hold a candle to your heart, to light a flame that will endure for the rest of your life. Never again will you mourn on this earth. Your life is in my hand. I do not speak in human terms but in terms of heaven. The candles you carry here on earth burn to the end, become flickering wicks. But my light endures forever. Your heart will suffer losses, as humans do, and sadness comes. But you shall not feel the greatness of loss as in this time. It is done. So I have put upon your son the grace to help encourage you, to pray for you, to speak to your heart. Be assured that he is never alone, he is ever with me. This task is to help you, to help you move forward, and to accomplish what I have set before you. The words I have given you must be written for all to see who will need encouragement and hope, just as you have needed it.
Love is always at the heart of all I do. And I know you and I know your heart. Trust in me my child. I will provide what is needed for you to accomplish your task, for I know your heart, and your heart knows me. Now go to your day and be at Peace, be at rest, and trust me always, and in my ways.
Amen."

Praying the rosary with Jack, when I came to the 5th sorrowful mystery, The Crucifixion, I wondered in my heart, if Jason was at Peace in his last moments, if he knew the Lord was with him, if he was alone...and these words came to me from him, that I know what it is like, because I lived it. I had shared my experience of being on the table*, the pain and the peace. I knew, that the Lord and Mary were with me, I was not afraid to die, but I was ready...
And I heard this from the Lord:
"A mother care for her child to the very end."

Thank you Lord.
{I wrote this Word from the Lord on a piece of paper, and put it in my pouch with my rosary, it is still there.)
* following my heart attack, in surgery at Sacre Coeur Hospital, to have 4 stents inserted all along the main right coronary artery, March 3rd 2024.

Now I read this morning's Scriptures and all speak to me about what the Lord has done for me and for Jason...prayers I would say today:
Entrance Antiphon
As for me, I trust in the Lord. Let me be glad and rejoice in your mercy, for you have seen my affliction. Psalm 30

Isaiah 65:17-21
Thus says the Lord: I am about to create new heavens and a new earth; the former things shall not be remembered or come to mind.
But be glad and rejoice forever in what I am creating, for I am about to create Jerusalem as a joy, and its people as a delight. I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and delight in my people; no more shall the sound of weeping be heard in it, the cry of distress.

Responsorial Psalm 30
R I will praise you, Lord, for you have rescued me.

Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

John 4:43-54
Your son will live.

These pages speak of what the Lord has done for me.

March 11th speaks of what the Lord has done for Jason.

Thank you Lord.
Prayers to keep.

March 31, 2025
Isaiah 65:17-21; Psalm 30; John 4:43-54; Acclamation: Amos 5

God will not deny mercy to anyone. - St. Faustina

April 2, 2025
I have read my Scriptures, prayed the prayer for protection, read my Day by Day with Mary, and Joseph, reflection in Prions en église, and now I leave myself in the Lord's hands...for I feel sad and numb, words touch me but I am sad to tears...

I prayed to the Lord and he helped me. I am at Peace. I mourn for my son Jason and I mourn for Devon. I entrust both to the Lord Jesus Christ...
For I know my Redeemer lives.

I am again with the Lord in Consolation. Only in Christ is my joy complete. Amen.
Jack and I will do the Consecraton to St. Joseph...with the Knights of Columbus.

April 2, 2025
Jason.
"All will be well mom, do not worry, I am very happy. I know you miss me, and I am sorry. Things don't always work out the way we like, but I am happy, no more pain or heartache, no stress. All is good. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and I am so happy and at Peace. I am sorry you are sad, and I know now how much you loved me. This will never end. That is the grace of heaven. Only joy. Only love."

later...
Week 1 of Retreat: Risen Easter People
Jesus is at the center of everything. All comes from him and all returns to him. Life. Love. Hope. Thank you Lord. My life is yours.
later
Jason.
"I am near, mom, very near. All will be well. You don't have to be sad. Remember the song, 'Always look on the bright side of life'. This will help, it helped me when I was young, and we laughed a lot. Trust in God, trust in his Son. All will be well. Now it is a time to sleep. Remember, when you are tired and more vulnerable. Now go to sleep and rest. Tomorrow is another day, and each day will get easier. Do what the priest said. Take walks and look around, notice one thing that can bring hope.
All will be well. I love you.
- Jason"

The Lord.
"My child, all will be well.
All will be well. All will be well."

April 3, 2025
Exodus 32:7-14; Psalm 106; Acclamation John 3:16 God so loved the world...; John 5:18, 13-47

I watched the webinar and ordered the book: The Sacred Heart, Julia Gruly and the book for the online Retreat Risen with Fr Joseph Tetlow.
Jack and I are making the Consecration to St. Joseph.

The Lord is taking such good care of me. I hear my son's voice to encourage me and to give me solace. The Lord knows what I need and I trust in him.
I am reading Où es-tu Marie ? by Catherine Aubin, from Novalis.

In the reflection for the Risen Retreat, the message is simple but life-saving. Colossan 1:17-18.

Jesus himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the first born from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything.
Collosians 1:17-18

In the book * Où es-tu Marie ? it is all about Jesus, Bethlehem where he is born - prophesied, and in the House of Bread and much more. This is where we find Mary, and we must also be where she is.
Jesus speaks in the Scriptures of being the Image of God.
All is in him, from him as the Word, and all returns to him.
Thank you Lord Jesus.
I give you my heart. I give you my heart.

Thank you for taking care of me, in mind (my grief would be too hard to bear) body (frail without you) and soul (I cannot live without you)
Thank you Lord Jesus, Thank you.

I am at Peace - Peace is flowing like a river, flowing out through you and me, flowing out into the desert setting all the captives free.

I sat in the quiet, in Peace, Love, Tranquility, gentleness.
Thank you Lord Jesus, Mother Mary, and all the angels and saints.
Amen.

April 7, 2025

(This came when I remembered a time of sadness for Jason.)
The Lord.
"There are times a man has to take care of things on his own."

Jason.
Mom, you were always there for me. You listened, even when the listening was not easy, you stayed. You do this with Devon too. For now, you are frail. But this will pass. The Lord will give you the grace you need. As for the children, they need too to be without you. They know you love them. This is the important thing and that you are there. Wait. The time will come when you will again be of use. For now you mourn. I love you. Jay."
"The Lord is near, nearer than you can imagine. Even in pain. Even in sorrow. The Lord is near." Jay.

Reference
* English version of book by Catherine Aubin; The Prayers of Mary and the Saints